I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The Olympian is in my bed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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