ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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