SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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