Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
