Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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