I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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