It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
