So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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