Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
