I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
