dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
did i just pee glitter
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
