I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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