Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
