Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
