Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
