If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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