honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
