Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
