Banned from zoo.
Again?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
