Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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