He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize