I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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