so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
