I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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