My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
