i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
