Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
