I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
