McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
