So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
