Betty ford says i'm here all night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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