I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my liver is dry heaving
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
