if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
