I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
