She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
