Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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