My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
