If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize