She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
