We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
