Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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