I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He better not be in your backpack
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
