I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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