Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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