Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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