I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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