The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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