Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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