She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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