Please don't use social media to get back at me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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