He kissed a someone with a penis
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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