so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
