I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize