I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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