Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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