I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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