I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
