At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
