Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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