I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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