I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
