I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
