I just pynch a tree in the face
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
