Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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