Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
